SupaChan's Words

Today I'm struggling with staying focused. I keep thinking about things from the past. Moments when someone I really care about said really cruel things about me to me. All this time I thought I'd forgiven them, but I don't think I have. I just can't let it go. Should I? The things said to me were truly damaging and hurt me, all the way to my core. I have tried to forgive and forget, but I honestly don't think I can. Some of these things were said to me years ago, like 5 or more. I want to forgive them, but I don't want to forget. Is that wrong of me? What do you do when someone intentionally (yes, intentionally - they admitted to that later) damages your self-esteem and self-worth? Do you forgive them? Do you forget it happened? Do you forgive AND forget? I'm really having a hard time w/this one peeps.

Well good morning to you!!  Just a quick update regarding the exam I took last week... yea, I failed. BUT, I am still claiming it as a win. I have taken the exam 3 times now and have gotten progressively better each time. 1st time, good ol' 53 %, 2nd 62.5%, and this last time, 66%!  Just have to study a little bit harder and the exam is in the bag! Thanks for the good vibes though, it's much appreciated. Now, on an unrelated note, I LOVE MY INSTANT POT!!! I can't say it enough!!! It's hands down the best kitchen appliance (?), tool (?), thingy I've EVER purchased. Get one!!!

I recently began a new endeavor, and by recently I mean the end of May, which requires a state test in order to actually obtain a license and start making some money... I have taken the test twice now and failed :( Today I take it again....and I'm kinda nervous. Any good vibes any of you (yea you, my one follower) could push my way would be greatly appreciated. I deserve to pass this test!  ~~~QOTD~~~ I believe in luck; how else can you explain the success of those you dislike. ~ Jean Cocteau.

It is with a saddened, heavy heart I make a post today. Last night I had such a hard time falling asleep and then staying asleep. It wasn't until late this afternoon that I realized it may have been because of the tragedy taking place or about to take place in Las Vegas. I can't even understand why anyone would ever harm anyone, let alone mass amounts of innocent people. My heart aches for the families and friends who lost loved ones. My deepest sympathies to their loved ones. My message today is simple, hug your family, hug your friends, hug all of those you love and care for. You never know when it will be your last moment together, your last chance to tell them how much they mean to you, how much you love them, how glad you are that they are a part of your life, and whatever else you feel you should share. ~~~QOTD~~~ I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I ...

This is nothing like my usual posts... I just have to say I recently got an Instantpot and I am IN LOVE!!! Just WOW!! If you have one, don't you love it? If you don't, get one! Get one ASAP!

I had such an amazing dream last night. I was on vacation with my family. We were going to a famous waterfall. As we came up over the hill into the parking lot we caught our first glimpse of this waterfall. It was tall and somewhat thin at the top, widening at the base of the falls, and had all the colors of the rainbow cascading down into a GIANT crystal blue circular pool. The sight was breathtakingly beautiful! Up near the parking lot, there was a huge winding river, like a lazy river, only it was very wide and the colors were more like the water in the pool at the bottom of the falls. There were walking paths with tall railings that were made of glass (like aquarium glass) every 50 to 100 feet that crossed the river, about an inch down so you could feel the water on your toes. The river was very deep! The best was there were sea mammals in the river!!! Dolphins, killer whales, tons of fish, sea lions, a couple smaller breeds of sharks, turtles, etc. It was such a magnifice...

I'm feeling much more myself today and am ready to tackle the day's challenges. I hope you all had a good weekend and if you celebrate Easter I hope it was a good one for you. Over the past few days, I have had plenty of time to do some soul searching (which is something I'm ALWAYS doing) and have come to a conclusion... I think I'm ready for a change, like maybe in my appearance or something more drastic, like a piercing or a tattoo. I am definitely thinking about it and have had a few ideas. We'll see if any of them are fruitful or if they'll remain in my head.

So as I was perusing Instagram I came across my horoscope. And it happens to be bizarrely fitting for today. I mean, it's remarkably accurate. What the F??

What do you do when you feel discouraged? When someone tells you all of your efforts have been for naught. When you feel so devalued and worthless by the one person you love most. When you honestly don't feel as though you'll ever be good enough. And no matter how hard you try or how you continue to do things differently, you're just not enough. And no matter how amazing of a job you think you're doing, or all of the little things that aren't noticeable because they are little things, but they add up. Then they just come back and tell you that you haven't done anything at all. And you feel like total shit, like shit on their shoes they'll just wipe on the grass before they walk away. And you just want to wallow in your sadness and cry. The giant crocodile tears. It's days like today when I could really, really, REALLY use a giant hug, and a shoulder to cry on.

I went to a creative writing class earlier this evening. And ya know, I really liked it. I mean it wasn't like a super official gig w/a professor or anything like that. But I did learn a few things and I did jot down a few things that I think were received by the audience well. Perhaps I'll share them on here w/you, my one follower and you can read it and form an opinion about it.