SupaChan's Words

During this past summer, we went to some fancy gardens. Being a lover of photography, I, of course, ended up with lots and lots of pics! I really loved this one and had an urge to share it with you. Please take a moment and enjoy this moment.

I will not play at tug o' war I'd rather play at hug o' war, Where everyone hugs Instead of tugs.... ~Shel Silverstein

I have always had very vivid and realistic dreams. Sometimes they're so real that when I think back to remember them I have to convince myself they were in fact, dreams and not memories. You might say to yourself, well that sounds awesome!! Which would be true if the dream was a good one.... not so much when they're nightmares or bad dreams. All of this being said, I had a weird one last night. ---- I was in some sort of very large tent - like a medic tent. Where the tent was located, I have no idea. I was sitting on a bed next to someone - a patient perhaps. As I scanned the room I could see it was decorated more like a house, but it was definitely a tent - maybe like the ones in the Harry Potter books. I could see my spouse across the room watching the TV - which looked black to me. Suddenly another man appeared in the tent, I knew him, but I didn't. It was more of I knew his presence and it was someone I cared about, a lot. This man sat down on the bed on the other side ...

Morning time. Also happy new year!

Do you all remember my post about seeing someone in an arena? Well, recently there is a new employee at my work who has the exact same name as the person that story was about..because of this I get to see their name, a lot.. like every single day. As if not thinking about them wasn't already hard enough.....

I had the pleasure of finding a radio station recently which plays nothing but New Wave music! OMG, right? Today I chose to listen to said station on my way to work.. it was fantastic!! Can you even imagine the amount flashbacks to good times I had??! Message in a Bottle - YES! Alphaville - Forever Young - MORE YES!! I'm so excited to have finally found a way to improve my commute. It's not that I don't love driving - I do. I don't like other people's driving!

Have you ever just been getting along with someone famously and as far as you know things will continue to be great? And all of a sudden, just like that, BAM! The other person says they can't do it, or they don't want to be friends anymore, or for whatever fucked up reason they're done. And just like that, poof - they're gone from your life. That's when the internal dialogue begins - what did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Something I didn't say? Something I didn't do? Something I could've or should've done? And the questions go on and on and on! And you don't get any closure. And it hurts!! Fuck it hurts!! At least with closure, it's easier to just let it go and be done with it. Without closure you're left wondering, analyzing, questioning every single detail of every conversation you EVER had with that person. It is my opinion that this is where/when I build a wall - or at least put a brick in my ever increasing wall. I leave a me...

8/31/16 was the date I saw him! I wrote this a couple days after a true experience, after seeing someone that I used to love (I'll call him A). Dear A, I hadn’t/haven’t thought about you in months, and then all of sudden, BAM there you were. In the flesh, I saw you for real today. You walked right past me, twice! Your name suspended on the tip of my tongue, I wanted to call out to you, I wanted to, more than anything. It took every ounce of my willpower to remain quiet and not say your name. You would've  heard me even if I didn’t yell. You were that close to me. I thought for sure the pounding of my heart would give me away.  I wanted to lean forward and whisper your name. Perhaps I should have. I wanted you to turn towards the sound and smile when you saw it was me, for real. To see me in the flesh, within an arm’s reach of you. To watch your eyes light up as you recognized me. I wanted to go to you, to hug you, and to kiss you. I wanted to show you how sorry I was. For...

Today I've been having very contemplative and nostalgic thoughts. I can't help but wonder why I made some of the choices I did, or if given the opportunity again, would I make the same choice.? Have you ever thought about the choices we've made and why? How much different would my life be if I had done XXX instead XXX? I feel like I have made the best choices for me over the course of my life for the most part but I also know there are some things that if I could go back, I would choose differently. Because I'm a dreamer, I end thinking of the could have beens a lot more than I should be.

Appearances are not held to be a clue to the truth. But we seem to have no other. ~Ivy Compton-Burnett