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Reality check

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Today I'm struggling with staying focused. I keep thinking about things from the past. Moments when someone I really care about said really cruel things about me to me. All this time I thought I'd forgiven them, but I don't think I have. I just can't let it go. Should I? The things said to me were truly damaging and hurt me, all the way to my core. I have tried to forgive and forget, but I honestly don't think I can. Some of these things were said to me years ago, like 5 or more. I want to forgive them, but I don't want to forget. Is that wrong of me? What do you do when someone intentionally (yes, intentionally - they admitted to that later) damages your self-esteem and self-worth? Do you forgive them? Do you forget it happened? Do you forgive AND forget? I'm really having a hard time w/this one peeps.
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Musings

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At the beginning of this year it dawned on me that I haven't/hadn't been reading as much as I used to and I didn't know why. I told myself, it was because 'I didn't have time'. Which I knew was a lie. A small insignificant and minor lie and only to myself, but still... I remembered how much I LOVE reading and was disappointed in myself. I decided then that I was going to read. I started out with a small goal. A goal I knew I could easily obtain. Read 6 books this year. Just 6. Then I'll be back in the habit of reading and could read more next year. I'm happy to say/report that as of today, I've read 30 books!! And updated my goal to 45! The time was there all along, I was just wasting it on other things. Pick up a book, read it, pick up another, read it, and repeat. :D
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