SupaChan's Words

 I know, I know, it's been a while since any of you have heard from me or since I've posted anything of any significance whatsoever. What can I say, 2020 was one hell of a decade, going from bad to worse and so on. Even with all of the awful and loathsome things that occurred last year, I still have reasons to be grateful. I still have my job AND have been able to work at home full time since March 11th of last year. My oldest daughter graduated from high school; talk about an unusual graduation ceremony (graduating class of 2020 in the middle of a pandemic). I'll do a post another time of that fun fiasco!! I get to spend oodles of time with my dearest loves - my family. Money spent on gas is WAAAYYY down. The last one I'll mention is my dog is so happy now. Someone is almost always here and the longest time he is ever alone is maybe 4 hours. Last year I was able to finish 46 books, awesome, right? On the home front, we were finally able to get my library done! It is no...

As we come close to the ending of the first month of a new decade, I've yet to finish writing out my new goals for the new decade. I think I have some good ideas though, and am ready to create my vision board. How about you? Do you create a vision board? Do you write your goals down? Put them on note cards? I'm always eager to hear about other ideas for goals. One of my goals last year was to read and as you know, I blew that one out of the water! LOL. This year, in addition to reading new books, I plan to re-read some of my favorites. I've already read 3 of my faves this year and January isn't even over yet! 😊 Well that covers my thoughts for today so have a good one! ✌

Life was so much easier when I was young. The friend I was reconnecting with turned out to be a deceiver and caused so much unwanted drama and hurt feelings in my life and in their own. Granted, I'm not innocent of wrongdoing, but I should not have trusted this old friend. Ya know, I have this problem quite often. Why am I so trusting? Why? The end result is someone's feelings getting hurt. Usually mine, but sometimes other peoples as well. So what do I do? Do I continue to be the kind, trusting creature I am, or do I change? Do I build an impenetrable wall around myself and my heart? It is a good time to start making resolutions being a new year and all. I just don't know. I don't think I can wall myself up, deny my nature and true self... Definitely, have some things I gotta work on though. Number one is to focus on the people I love and the ones who love me. It's much easier on my heart and on theirs that way. I have some other ideas.. overall I just want to ...

I'm feeling much better than I was when I last posted. That was definitely the roughest day I've had in a long time. To my one follower, thank you for caring. :) QOTD: The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. ~David Russell

It is with a saddened, heavy heart I make a post today. Last night I had such a hard time falling asleep and then staying asleep. It wasn't until late this afternoon that I realized it may have been because of the tragedy taking place or about to take place in Las Vegas. I can't even understand why anyone would ever harm anyone, let alone mass amounts of innocent people. My heart aches for the families and friends who lost loved ones. My deepest sympathies to their loved ones. My message today is simple, hug your family, hug your friends, hug all of those you love and care for. You never know when it will be your last moment together, your last chance to tell them how much they mean to you, how much you love them, how glad you are that they are a part of your life, and whatever else you feel you should share. ~~~QOTD~~~ I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I ...

I'm feeling much more myself today and am ready to tackle the day's challenges. I hope you all had a good weekend and if you celebrate Easter I hope it was a good one for you. Over the past few days, I have had plenty of time to do some soul searching (which is something I'm ALWAYS doing) and have come to a conclusion... I think I'm ready for a change, like maybe in my appearance or something more drastic, like a piercing or a tattoo. I am definitely thinking about it and have had a few ideas. We'll see if any of them are fruitful or if they'll remain in my head.

I went to a creative writing class earlier this evening. And ya know, I really liked it. I mean it wasn't like a super official gig w/a professor or anything like that. But I did learn a few things and I did jot down a few things that I think were received by the audience well. Perhaps I'll share them on here w/you, my one follower and you can read it and form an opinion about it.

Well, so for most of us, it's Monday, back to the grind. Hope you all had a totally amaze-balls weekend. I know I did. Spent a good amount of time working on a puzzle which I totally love and despise all at the same time! Had some really good laughs with my oldest daughter. Who I realized is truly becoming such a beautiful young lady. And man oh man, is she funny, as in squirt your drinks out your nose from laughing so hard unexpectedly funny, or OMG, you gotta stop cuz I can't breathe and my stomach is starting to hurt funny. I just love her so much. Also, I was able to go for a beer with a dear friend, which was most enjoyable! I love hanging out, visiting and just chatting with good company. ---- side notes ---- I'm starting to feel a change coming. I'm not sure what it is, or where it's coming from, but I can feel it. Maybe I'll read my horoscope today or something...

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see. ~ John Burroughs. --- Today is the day before Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day 💗 is one of my favorite days as well as one I don't really like. Let me 'splain... It's my favorite because I just love, love!  Love is the greatest thing there is and ever will be. A day celebrating love is awesome! I wish every day was all about love. The world would be a better place by far. I mean think about it... if someone sent you a cutesy valentine or a sweet note every day, wouldn't you feel good? Just a "hi, I'm thinking about you and wanted you to know that." It would me for sure. I don't really like it because there isn't any authenticity to it. And if there is, it's hard to tell what's genuine and what's just "I'm doing this because I have to, or I'm doing thi...

I really do my best to be a person who puts myself out there. Ya know? To be real and authentic and vulnerable. Because why not? Life is short. What do I have to lose, right? Well, I'll tell you... first, I must forewarn you...if you're looking for a positive post from me today, just keep scrolling... I have a friend. We've been friends for at least a year. We've never met, face-to-face but have talked regularly, like every day regularly. I would consider them to be one of my best friends. Someone I confided in and told my secrets to. Someone who I didn't have to pretend about who I am. Someone I truly would do anything for. Then all of a sudden, just like that, they tell me they've been lying about their name. Which, I can understand, really I can. Keep yourself safe from psychos, creepers, losers, and weirdos, I get it. I really do. But, with me? Was everything I thought about you a lie? Am I a psycho, creeper, loser, or weirdo? Didn't it ever cross your...

During this past summer, we went to some fancy gardens. Being a lover of photography, I, of course, ended up with lots and lots of pics! I really loved this one and had an urge to share it with you. Please take a moment and enjoy this moment.

I have always had very vivid and realistic dreams. Sometimes they're so real that when I think back to remember them I have to convince myself they were in fact, dreams and not memories. You might say to yourself, well that sounds awesome!! Which would be true if the dream was a good one.... not so much when they're nightmares or bad dreams. All of this being said, I had a weird one last night. ---- I was in some sort of very large tent - like a medic tent. Where the tent was located, I have no idea. I was sitting on a bed next to someone - a patient perhaps. As I scanned the room I could see it was decorated more like a house, but it was definitely a tent - maybe like the ones in the Harry Potter books. I could see my spouse across the room watching the TV - which looked black to me. Suddenly another man appeared in the tent, I knew him, but I didn't. It was more of I knew his presence and it was someone I cared about, a lot. This man sat down on the bed on the other side ...

Have you ever just been getting along with someone famously and as far as you know things will continue to be great? And all of a sudden, just like that, BAM! The other person says they can't do it, or they don't want to be friends anymore, or for whatever fucked up reason they're done. And just like that, poof - they're gone from your life. That's when the internal dialogue begins - what did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Something I didn't say? Something I didn't do? Something I could've or should've done? And the questions go on and on and on! And you don't get any closure. And it hurts!! Fuck it hurts!! At least with closure, it's easier to just let it go and be done with it. Without closure you're left wondering, analyzing, questioning every single detail of every conversation you EVER had with that person. It is my opinion that this is where/when I build a wall - or at least put a brick in my ever increasing wall. I leave a me...

8/31/16 was the date I saw him! I wrote this a couple days after a true experience, after seeing someone that I used to love (I'll call him A). Dear A, I hadn’t/haven’t thought about you in months, and then all of sudden, BAM there you were. In the flesh, I saw you for real today. You walked right past me, twice! Your name suspended on the tip of my tongue, I wanted to call out to you, I wanted to, more than anything. It took every ounce of my willpower to remain quiet and not say your name. You would've  heard me even if I didn’t yell. You were that close to me. I thought for sure the pounding of my heart would give me away.  I wanted to lean forward and whisper your name. Perhaps I should have. I wanted you to turn towards the sound and smile when you saw it was me, for real. To see me in the flesh, within an arm’s reach of you. To watch your eyes light up as you recognized me. I wanted to go to you, to hug you, and to kiss you. I wanted to show you how sorry I was. For...

Today I've been having very contemplative and nostalgic thoughts. I can't help but wonder why I made some of the choices I did, or if given the opportunity again, would I make the same choice.? Have you ever thought about the choices we've made and why? How much different would my life be if I had done XXX instead XXX? I feel like I have made the best choices for me over the course of my life for the most part but I also know there are some things that if I could go back, I would choose differently. Because I'm a dreamer, I end thinking of the could have beens a lot more than I should be.

My sister recently got married. Not only was she the most beautiful bride I've ever seen, but the most amazing sister. There are not enough words in this world to describe how much I love her! I'll leave these 2 quotes because I really loved them. ~ The loveliest thing I know is.... My sister. ~Lord Byron ~Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there. ~Amy Li

It's my experience that when I am NOT being true to myself, or when I am trying to be/act like someone else for any reason, I feel different. I mean I experience a physical change. On the other side of that coin, when I am being myself, embracing all that is me, I feel incredible! Unstoppable! It is truly the greatest feeling. Makes me wonder, why then do I sometimes choose to not act like or be myself? I'm sure everyone experiences this or something similar. The hard part is recognizing it.... I leave you with this quote I really enjoyed. ~Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness. ~Shakti Gawain

After talking to one of my friends yesterday it sparked some thoughts in my brain that I couldn't just let go... I had to think them through. Do you ever wonder why some people seem to never embrace their true self? Or is it that their true self really is that person? That selfish self-serving, mean or cruel, think they're better than you attitude, and with no warning they push their 'so called' friend under the bus mentality person, is who they really are? As a human of this world, I truly have a hard time believing that their human nature is to be anything other than love? I'm not saying I'm all loving all the time or that I don't demonstrate rude, mean, or selfish behaviors or that I don't say unkind things - because I do, I AM saying I don't believe that any persons CORE beliefs, or souls are so tainted and wicked that they act this way the majority of their adult life, if not their whole life. And it truly saddens me when I explain to them why I...

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings This is so true. I look at myself, my family, my friends, other people and wonder, are we being true to ourselves? Are we genuine? If we're not, why not? Why do we ever feel a need to be, act, or say something just because somebody else told us to be a certain way, or act on something against our true selves wishes and desires? Today and every day moving forward I am making a conscious effort to only be me! To listen to that inner knowing (because it's always right), to be, act, and say things that are true to myself. Because in the end, that's all there really is anyway.

I was just remembering that at one point in my life (back in my teenage years I'm sure) I had planned on writing a book. Not just any book either, it was going to be one of the NY Times bestsellers, of course. I remember getting a pretty good amount of pages written. Now I sit here contemplating whatever happened to those pages? The ones I worked so hard on.... but, more importantly, what happened to that dream? Why didn't I pursue it? Why haven't I even now? As I age, perhaps even approach that terrifying 'middle-aged generalization' I've decided there are some dreams that I WANT to pursue, even now. Because after all, and according to the X-Files, "Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask."