SupaChan's Words

We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.  ~Evelyn Dunbar

Life was so much easier when I was young. The friend I was reconnecting with turned out to be a deceiver and caused so much unwanted drama and hurt feelings in my life and in their own. Granted, I'm not innocent of wrongdoing, but I should not have trusted this old friend. Ya know, I have this problem quite often. Why am I so trusting? Why? The end result is someone's feelings getting hurt. Usually mine, but sometimes other peoples as well. So what do I do? Do I continue to be the kind, trusting creature I am, or do I change? Do I build an impenetrable wall around myself and my heart? It is a good time to start making resolutions being a new year and all. I just don't know. I don't think I can wall myself up, deny my nature and true self... Definitely, have some things I gotta work on though. Number one is to focus on the people I love and the ones who love me. It's much easier on my heart and on theirs that way. I have some other ideas.. overall I just want to ...

I'm feeling much better than I was when I last posted. That was definitely the roughest day I've had in a long time. To my one follower, thank you for caring. :) QOTD: The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. ~David Russell

I was informed of some very frustrating and difficult information today... and as a direct result, am now questioning my parenting. I'm definitely feeling like I'm not a very good parent, and that some of my choices - where I've been saying for 2 years that I am doing this for my kids are coming into question. I feel like I've made a huge mistake.... I feel lost and lonely. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this/these feelings and I don't know what to do.

Went to see Star Wars, The Last Jedi a couple of times over the weekend... It was good. I liked it. There were a couple of parts that were just meh, but overall it was a good movie and I'll probably go another couple times at least. Got some 'hanging out with parents' time in which was nice. It's kind of challenging and sad hanging out with my dad. He has something called normal pressure hydrocephalus (NPH) and one of the symptoms is dementia... basically, he asks the same questions over and over again. It's definitely a test of patience. After they leave or I leave or whatever it looks like he calls me, to thank me. Then 5 min later, he calls again, to thank me. And then 5 min later, he calls again, to thank me.. you get the idea. It's really hard because he was such a strong powerful man. Seeing him 100% reliable on others...it makes my heart saddened. Just a bit.

I woke up in the best-est mood today!! First - Star Wars. YAHOO!!! I'm going to be seeing it in a few hours and I can hardly wait... OMG!  Second - Recently (within the past couple of weeks) an old friend, like from high school called me and it's been so enjoyable catching up, and reminiscing, and all that jazz. Sending a special shout-out to them for doing that! I'm so happy we're becoming friends again! Third - And this is a little bit older news (1st of November-ish), I bought a new car! YAY! She's sooooo purrrrty! Right?? Lastly - I met a new friend and just think they are completely and totally amazing and I'm so glad we met! You so totally rock! 

Today I'm struggling with staying focused. I keep thinking about things from the past. Moments when someone I really care about said really cruel things about me to me. All this time I thought I'd forgiven them, but I don't think I have. I just can't let it go. Should I? The things said to me were truly damaging and hurt me, all the way to my core. I have tried to forgive and forget, but I honestly don't think I can. Some of these things were said to me years ago, like 5 or more. I want to forgive them, but I don't want to forget. Is that wrong of me? What do you do when someone intentionally (yes, intentionally - they admitted to that later) damages your self-esteem and self-worth? Do you forgive them? Do you forget it happened? Do you forgive AND forget? I'm really having a hard time w/this one peeps.

Well good morning to you!!  Just a quick update regarding the exam I took last week... yea, I failed. BUT, I am still claiming it as a win. I have taken the exam 3 times now and have gotten progressively better each time. 1st time, good ol' 53 %, 2nd 62.5%, and this last time, 66%!  Just have to study a little bit harder and the exam is in the bag! Thanks for the good vibes though, it's much appreciated. Now, on an unrelated note, I LOVE MY INSTANT POT!!! I can't say it enough!!! It's hands down the best kitchen appliance (?), tool (?), thingy I've EVER purchased. Get one!!!

I recently began a new endeavor, and by recently I mean the end of May, which requires a state test in order to actually obtain a license and start making some money... I have taken the test twice now and failed :( Today I take it again....and I'm kinda nervous. Any good vibes any of you (yea you, my one follower) could push my way would be greatly appreciated. I deserve to pass this test!  ~~~QOTD~~~ I believe in luck; how else can you explain the success of those you dislike. ~ Jean Cocteau.

It is with a saddened, heavy heart I make a post today. Last night I had such a hard time falling asleep and then staying asleep. It wasn't until late this afternoon that I realized it may have been because of the tragedy taking place or about to take place in Las Vegas. I can't even understand why anyone would ever harm anyone, let alone mass amounts of innocent people. My heart aches for the families and friends who lost loved ones. My deepest sympathies to their loved ones. My message today is simple, hug your family, hug your friends, hug all of those you love and care for. You never know when it will be your last moment together, your last chance to tell them how much they mean to you, how much you love them, how glad you are that they are a part of your life, and whatever else you feel you should share. ~~~QOTD~~~ I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I ...