SupaChan's Words

I'm feeling much better than I was when I last posted. That was definitely the roughest day I've had in a long time. To my one follower, thank you for caring. :) QOTD: The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. ~David Russell

I was informed of some very frustrating and difficult information today... and as a direct result, am now questioning my parenting. I'm definitely feeling like I'm not a very good parent, and that some of my choices - where I've been saying for 2 years that I am doing this for my kids are coming into question. I feel like I've made a huge mistake.... I feel lost and lonely. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this/these feelings and I don't know what to do.

Went to see Star Wars, The Last Jedi a couple of times over the weekend... It was good. I liked it. There were a couple of parts that were just meh, but overall it was a good movie and I'll probably go another couple times at least. Got some 'hanging out with parents' time in which was nice. It's kind of challenging and sad hanging out with my dad. He has something called normal pressure hydrocephalus (NPH) and one of the symptoms is dementia... basically, he asks the same questions over and over again. It's definitely a test of patience. After they leave or I leave or whatever it looks like he calls me, to thank me. Then 5 min later, he calls again, to thank me. And then 5 min later, he calls again, to thank me.. you get the idea. It's really hard because he was such a strong powerful man. Seeing him 100% reliable on others...it makes my heart saddened. Just a bit.

I woke up in the best-est mood today!! First - Star Wars. YAHOO!!! I'm going to be seeing it in a few hours and I can hardly wait... OMG!  Second - Recently (within the past couple of weeks) an old friend, like from high school called me and it's been so enjoyable catching up, and reminiscing, and all that jazz. Sending a special shout-out to them for doing that! I'm so happy we're becoming friends again! Third - And this is a little bit older news (1st of November-ish), I bought a new car! YAY! She's sooooo purrrrty! Right?? Lastly - I met a new friend and just think they are completely and totally amazing and I'm so glad we met! You so totally rock! 

Today I'm struggling with staying focused. I keep thinking about things from the past. Moments when someone I really care about said really cruel things about me to me. All this time I thought I'd forgiven them, but I don't think I have. I just can't let it go. Should I? The things said to me were truly damaging and hurt me, all the way to my core. I have tried to forgive and forget, but I honestly don't think I can. Some of these things were said to me years ago, like 5 or more. I want to forgive them, but I don't want to forget. Is that wrong of me? What do you do when someone intentionally (yes, intentionally - they admitted to that later) damages your self-esteem and self-worth? Do you forgive them? Do you forget it happened? Do you forgive AND forget? I'm really having a hard time w/this one peeps.

Well good morning to you!!  Just a quick update regarding the exam I took last week... yea, I failed. BUT, I am still claiming it as a win. I have taken the exam 3 times now and have gotten progressively better each time. 1st time, good ol' 53 %, 2nd 62.5%, and this last time, 66%!  Just have to study a little bit harder and the exam is in the bag! Thanks for the good vibes though, it's much appreciated. Now, on an unrelated note, I LOVE MY INSTANT POT!!! I can't say it enough!!! It's hands down the best kitchen appliance (?), tool (?), thingy I've EVER purchased. Get one!!!

I recently began a new endeavor, and by recently I mean the end of May, which requires a state test in order to actually obtain a license and start making some money... I have taken the test twice now and failed :( Today I take it again....and I'm kinda nervous. Any good vibes any of you (yea you, my one follower) could push my way would be greatly appreciated. I deserve to pass this test!  ~~~QOTD~~~ I believe in luck; how else can you explain the success of those you dislike. ~ Jean Cocteau.

It is with a saddened, heavy heart I make a post today. Last night I had such a hard time falling asleep and then staying asleep. It wasn't until late this afternoon that I realized it may have been because of the tragedy taking place or about to take place in Las Vegas. I can't even understand why anyone would ever harm anyone, let alone mass amounts of innocent people. My heart aches for the families and friends who lost loved ones. My deepest sympathies to their loved ones. My message today is simple, hug your family, hug your friends, hug all of those you love and care for. You never know when it will be your last moment together, your last chance to tell them how much they mean to you, how much you love them, how glad you are that they are a part of your life, and whatever else you feel you should share. ~~~QOTD~~~ I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I ...

This is nothing like my usual posts... I just have to say I recently got an Instantpot and I am IN LOVE!!! Just WOW!! If you have one, don't you love it? If you don't, get one! Get one ASAP!

I had such an amazing dream last night. I was on vacation with my family. We were going to a famous waterfall. As we came up over the hill into the parking lot we caught our first glimpse of this waterfall. It was tall and somewhat thin at the top, widening at the base of the falls, and had all the colors of the rainbow cascading down into a GIANT crystal blue circular pool. The sight was breathtakingly beautiful! Up near the parking lot, there was a huge winding river, like a lazy river, only it was very wide and the colors were more like the water in the pool at the bottom of the falls. There were walking paths with tall railings that were made of glass (like aquarium glass) every 50 to 100 feet that crossed the river, about an inch down so you could feel the water on your toes. The river was very deep! The best was there were sea mammals in the river!!! Dolphins, killer whales, tons of fish, sea lions, a couple smaller breeds of sharks, turtles, etc. It was such a magnifice...

I'm feeling much more myself today and am ready to tackle the day's challenges. I hope you all had a good weekend and if you celebrate Easter I hope it was a good one for you. Over the past few days, I have had plenty of time to do some soul searching (which is something I'm ALWAYS doing) and have come to a conclusion... I think I'm ready for a change, like maybe in my appearance or something more drastic, like a piercing or a tattoo. I am definitely thinking about it and have had a few ideas. We'll see if any of them are fruitful or if they'll remain in my head.

So as I was perusing Instagram I came across my horoscope. And it happens to be bizarrely fitting for today. I mean, it's remarkably accurate. What the F??

What do you do when you feel discouraged? When someone tells you all of your efforts have been for naught. When you feel so devalued and worthless by the one person you love most. When you honestly don't feel as though you'll ever be good enough. And no matter how hard you try or how you continue to do things differently, you're just not enough. And no matter how amazing of a job you think you're doing, or all of the little things that aren't noticeable because they are little things, but they add up. Then they just come back and tell you that you haven't done anything at all. And you feel like total shit, like shit on their shoes they'll just wipe on the grass before they walk away. And you just want to wallow in your sadness and cry. The giant crocodile tears. It's days like today when I could really, really, REALLY use a giant hug, and a shoulder to cry on.

I went to a creative writing class earlier this evening. And ya know, I really liked it. I mean it wasn't like a super official gig w/a professor or anything like that. But I did learn a few things and I did jot down a few things that I think were received by the audience well. Perhaps I'll share them on here w/you, my one follower and you can read it and form an opinion about it.

Saw this a few minutes ago. Love it!  Enjoy!!!  ~~Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. ~Doug Larson

Well, so for most of us, it's Monday, back to the grind. Hope you all had a totally amaze-balls weekend. I know I did. Spent a good amount of time working on a puzzle which I totally love and despise all at the same time! Had some really good laughs with my oldest daughter. Who I realized is truly becoming such a beautiful young lady. And man oh man, is she funny, as in squirt your drinks out your nose from laughing so hard unexpectedly funny, or OMG, you gotta stop cuz I can't breathe and my stomach is starting to hurt funny. I just love her so much. Also, I was able to go for a beer with a dear friend, which was most enjoyable! I love hanging out, visiting and just chatting with good company. ---- side notes ---- I'm starting to feel a change coming. I'm not sure what it is, or where it's coming from, but I can feel it. Maybe I'll read my horoscope today or something...

I feel like it's been forever since I blogged last so I have a few things to say. Over the past month, I've had some absolutely amazing and incredible experiences as well as a few completely heartbreaking ones. Because I'd like to leave you today with positive thoughts, I'll start with the heartbreaking experiences first. 1. I have (had) a friend, I'll call him A (yes, for my 1 follower, it is the same A) whom I haven't talked to for almost a year who called me out of the blue. I was totally ecstatic and overjoyed that they reached out to me after so long. Talking with A was fantastic, but I knew in my heart it was too good to be true. My intuition was correct (sadly) and that brief amount of time was all the time I had. That's the heartbreaking part. The positive part is that I was able to apologize profusely and let A know how I feel. 2. Now I must forewarn you, this next bit is extremely sad and horribly tragic so if you can't or don't want to han...

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.  ~Kahlil Gibran

I've had a few amazing dreams since last time I posted, but I will leave it that seeing as how they are NSFW if you know what I'm saying... 👿 ~~ My so-called real life has been pretty amazing lately. I've been able to really connect with one of my friends and am feeling very happy as a result. It's so nice to have someone I can talk about anything with and be myself around. Thank you C! ~~ One true friend adds more to our happiness than a thousand enemies add to our unhappiness. ~Marie Dubsky, Freifrau von Ebner-Eschenbach

I'm really in the mood to write today, but I'm also really struggling with deciding on a topic. So for now, I'll leave with a quote. If any of you (do I even have any followers?) have a suggestion, by all means, will the real slim shady please stand up, please stand up. -- One true friend adds more to our happiness than a thousand enemies add to our unhappiness. ~ Marie Dubsky, Freifrau von Ebner-Eschenbach

I really am feeling very appreciative of friends today. I found the following 2 quotes that mirror my thoughts.  Today's post is dedicated to my friends. I love you all. As the song says "thank you for being a friend." I'm looking forward to many more amazing and wonderful experiences with my friends. -- When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather, to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. ~Henri Nouwen --- A healing friend is a kindred spirit who says "yeah, I know what you mean!" while pouring your cup of tea; sees your uniqueness; c...

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see. ~ John Burroughs. --- Today is the day before Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day 💗 is one of my favorite days as well as one I don't really like. Let me 'splain... It's my favorite because I just love, love!  Love is the greatest thing there is and ever will be. A day celebrating love is awesome! I wish every day was all about love. The world would be a better place by far. I mean think about it... if someone sent you a cutesy valentine or a sweet note every day, wouldn't you feel good? Just a "hi, I'm thinking about you and wanted you to know that." It would me for sure. I don't really like it because there isn't any authenticity to it. And if there is, it's hard to tell what's genuine and what's just "I'm doing this because I have to, or I'm doing thi...

Today is just a QOTD type of day. Here is one I've selected for your contemplation, enjoy: Forgiving is love’s toughest work, and love’s biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love’s power to break nature’s rule. ~Lewis B. Smedes

I really do my best to be a person who puts myself out there. Ya know? To be real and authentic and vulnerable. Because why not? Life is short. What do I have to lose, right? Well, I'll tell you... first, I must forewarn you...if you're looking for a positive post from me today, just keep scrolling... I have a friend. We've been friends for at least a year. We've never met, face-to-face but have talked regularly, like every day regularly. I would consider them to be one of my best friends. Someone I confided in and told my secrets to. Someone who I didn't have to pretend about who I am. Someone I truly would do anything for. Then all of a sudden, just like that, they tell me they've been lying about their name. Which, I can understand, really I can. Keep yourself safe from psychos, creepers, losers, and weirdos, I get it. I really do. But, with me? Was everything I thought about you a lie? Am I a psycho, creeper, loser, or weirdo? Didn't it ever cross your...

During this past summer, we went to some fancy gardens. Being a lover of photography, I, of course, ended up with lots and lots of pics! I really loved this one and had an urge to share it with you. Please take a moment and enjoy this moment.

I will not play at tug o' war I'd rather play at hug o' war, Where everyone hugs Instead of tugs.... ~Shel Silverstein

I have always had very vivid and realistic dreams. Sometimes they're so real that when I think back to remember them I have to convince myself they were in fact, dreams and not memories. You might say to yourself, well that sounds awesome!! Which would be true if the dream was a good one.... not so much when they're nightmares or bad dreams. All of this being said, I had a weird one last night. ---- I was in some sort of very large tent - like a medic tent. Where the tent was located, I have no idea. I was sitting on a bed next to someone - a patient perhaps. As I scanned the room I could see it was decorated more like a house, but it was definitely a tent - maybe like the ones in the Harry Potter books. I could see my spouse across the room watching the TV - which looked black to me. Suddenly another man appeared in the tent, I knew him, but I didn't. It was more of I knew his presence and it was someone I cared about, a lot. This man sat down on the bed on the other side ...

Morning time. Also happy new year!

Do you all remember my post about seeing someone in an arena? Well, recently there is a new employee at my work who has the exact same name as the person that story was about..because of this I get to see their name, a lot.. like every single day. As if not thinking about them wasn't already hard enough.....